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Andy answers questions

HIS LIFE QUESTIONS LETTER QUIZ EXAMPLES

 Here are Andy Griffiths' answers to some questions he is often asked by readers:

1. From what personal experiences have you written your books?

A: From my bum going psycho, from pretending I'm dead to get out of going to school, getting stuck inside a gorilla suit, having a cockroach trapped in my clothes, playing tricks on people, annoying people, sealing a shower cubicle with silicon glue so that it fills up with water, swinging on clotheslines, hiding under my sister's bed and pretending to be the bogeyman, starting food fights in fancy restaurants, getting a shoelace stuck in the top of an escalator--the sort of stuff that most people do.

2. When and where were you born?

3rd September, 1961, Melbourne.

3. How many books have you published?

Just Tricking!(1997), Just Annoying!(1998), Just Stupid!(1999), Just Crazy!(2000)

4. How many books do you expect to publish in the next year?

One--The Day my Bum Went Psycho. It takes me about a year to write each book. I spend about six months giving talks and running workshops at schools around Australia, during which time I'm thinking of story titles, story ideas, starts, endings, middles--all very scrappy and disorganised--and then I sit down and write for about four months.

5. When did you write your first book?

I wrote my first book in 1983. It was called 'Idiot Attack of the Dinonauts' and it was really bad. I photocopied a few copies and gave it away to my friends. They also thought it was bad.

6. How did you feel when your first book was published?

Swinging on the Clothesline was my first published book in 1993. I was thrilled but nervous about sharing some of my most private thoughts and fantasies with complete strangers. I thought, 'do I really want everybody to know that all my life I've fantasised about filling a room with whipped cream and strawberries, taking all my clothes off, diving in and swimming around with my mouth open?' As it turned out I didn't have to worry--I discovered that everybody else does too--or if not, they fantasise about something equally as crazy. I sometimes wonder if that's the writer's job--to have the courage to come out and say the things that other people only think.

7. Do you enjoy writing books?

I enjoy CREATING books--I love the challenge of trying to make each book even sillier than the last--but the actual process of writing the book can sometimes be very hard slow frustrating work. A lot of my short stories are rewritten somewhere between 20-30 times before they're ready for publication.

8. As a child what were your experiences as a writer? Did your teacher recognise your talents?

I had a story called 'Lost in Time' published in a magazine when I was thirteen. I was always on the school magazine committee, but I was more interested in being a rock star. I spent most of my time at school writing songs that I definitely would not have wanted my teachers to see. They were for the amusement of myself and my friends. It wasn't until many years after leaving school and spending time in bands I came back to writing stories.

9. What type of story do you like the best?

I love reading all types of stories, although I always come back to the nightmarish short stories of Franz Kafka and the fairytales of Herman Hesse as my special favorites. Not to forget the unpredictable energy of Dr Seuss's 'One Fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue Fish' and 'The Cat in the Hat.' Or 'Alice in Wonderland' one of the most profoundly silly and funny books ever written.

10. Have you written any stories about your family?

The JUST books are full of my family--give or take a fact or two.

11. Have you any pets? If so have you written any stories about them?

I don't have any pets at the moment. I had some seamonkeys but they accidentally got left in the sun and they all died. I used to have a crazy dog called Sooty who I loved--he crops up in the JUST stories from time to time.

12. Do you have any children?

Two beautiful daughters.

13. Which of your books is your favorite?

I don't have a favorite book but there's a couple of stories in each book that stand out for me. 'Playing dead' in Just Tricking! 'In the shower with Andy' in Just Annoying! 'Busting' and 'Runaway Pram' in Just Stupid, 'Learn to Read with Andy' and 'Mudmen' in Just Crazy.

14. Is Lisa a real person and were you really in love with her?

Yes. Yes.

15 How long have you been a writer and what did you do before you started writing?

A: Before I started writing seriously I studied arts at Uni, fronted an experimental band, collected junk, worked in bottleshops, drove taxis, worked in a metal factory.Eventually, when the bands started breaking up faster than I could find names for them, I enrolled in a Dip Ed course. I'd always had the vague idea that one day I might become a teacher and it was during the course I came into contact with books on improving students' writing and a little light went on and I thought, wow, maybe I can do something with my own writing--although I had no idea what or how--but what I did was to get a cheap exercise book and set myself the task of each day writing down one memory or thought or observation or dream. In the beginning I had no other agenda than simply to collect some of my thoughts in the book in the same way that people keep photos in photo albums.

16. Why did you decide to become a writer?

A: The urge to put thoughts into words has always been there. I wrote stories and poems at school and when I found an old Underwood typewriter at a school fete I just knew I had to have it. I taught myself to touch type and then wrote and produced my own magazine in Year 7. I wrote song lyrics for an imaginary band all the way through secondary school. Why did I write then? Because it came easily, I guess, because it was a way of expressing myself, to entertain my friends, to shock, because it was a way of having fun. Why do I write now? For all of these reasons plus because it's a way of making a living out of something I would do even if nobody was paying me and because I've discovered it's a way of staying awake--of keeping a small part of my mind detached and observing experience--it's a way of finding value in the most mundane and boring places and experiences--a way to recapture that childlike sense of wonder that can so easily get sidelined in the day-to-day grind of being a practical goal-oriented grownup.

17.Have you still got a hole in your roof?

A: Yes. And all the spiders and rats and possums and grandmothers that live in our roof keep falling through onto our dinnerplates while we're trying to eat.

18.Did you really fill your house up with water?

A: No, just the shower cubicle. What do you think I am--stupid?!

19.Were you embarrassed when the dress tore in copycat from Ballarat?

I wasn't so much embarrassed by the torn dress as the fact that all the beanbag balls fell out of my bra.

19.5.Were you embarrassed when you dressed in your sisters clothes?

A: No, because I looked really good--much better than her in fact.

20.What did it feel like in your sisters clothes?

A: Like a girl. Yuk.

21.Are you really that annoying?

A: Actually I'm much more annoying in real life.

22.Does your Mum still believe in imaginary friends?

A:Yes, only it's got worse. She now believes that I'm imaginary.

23.Does Lisa still like you?

A: I wish I knew for sure...but I'm working on it.

24.What did it feel like with no bum?

A: Very difficult to sit down. Even more difficult to go to the toilet.

25.What story do you like the best that you have written so far?

A: My life story. It's very exciting and it still hasn't finished. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

26.Did you really get on the roof of the car?

Yes, but I was wearing special suction boots.

27.Do you think you are a good dancer?

A: Yes, but nobody else does.

28.Did your shoelace really get stuck in the elevator?

A: Not just my shoelace but my hair as well.

29.Did you really have two imaginary friends?

A: Actually I've got hundreds of them.

30.Who do you like to annoy the most?

A: Little kids, because they're not big enough to bash me up.

31.Would you rather be eaten by ants or lions?

A: Ants, but most of all I'd rather the ants eat the lions and just leave me alone.

32.Is your sister still nuts about Craig?

A: No, just nuts.

33.Would you rather be squashed by feathers or bricks?

A: Neither. I'd rather be sqashed by a tonne of cane toads.

34.Are you single?

A: Not if one of my plans to make Lisa fall in love with me finally works. At the moment I'm writing her a beautiful story called 'Kittens Puppies and Ponies.' When she reads it she's going to see how deeply sensitive and poetic I really am and she'll be sure to fall in love with me.

35.Do you still take the gnome on holidays?

A: No, it takes me.

36.Did your bum go on another gassing rampage?

A: No, because I always make sure I have a hole in the back of my pants.

37.Do you still have two holes in the back of your pants?

A: Just one.

38.Were the little foam balls in your bra itchy?

A: No, they tickled. If I was a girl I'd put them in all the time.

39.Are you going to answer back?

A: No. Never. You are only dreaming that you are reading this. Wake up!

40. Do you really have a sister?

Yes, I have two younger sisters. I combined them into one older sister for the stories.

41. Did you really do that gorilla stuff to your sister?

Yes, that part of the story is completely true. The only part of the story that isn't true is ... well, I'll let you work that out.

42. Did you really get sent to the zoo?

Yes, why don't you come and visit me one day? I'm the one with the computer in his cage.

43. I like the story about the shower. Did you really block up the shower?

Yes. I do not recommend you try this. Unless, of course, you like landing on dining room tables in the nude.

44. How did you meet Terry Denton?

I met Terry Denton after he illustrated my first two educational books. We discovered we shared a similar sense of humour. He encouraged me and helped me to get Just Tricking published. I didn't want the book illustrated in a conventional way and asked him if he would do flick pictures on the corners of the pages and a few doodles in the margins. As you know, he went a lot further than that!